The Emotional Toll of Entrepreneurship on Couples: Navigating Stress and Relationship Strain

The idea of being your own boss is undoubtedly romantic. You set your own hours, pursue your passion and potentially earn more than in a traditional job, and we know if you follow your passion the money is likely to follow, so there is a chance you might find great success in owning your own business. But new research is shedding some light on what many entrepreneurs already know: it can also exact a heavy toll on your partner’s well-being and your relationship.

That’s because self-employment can be stressful – almost 100% of the time, good or bad, stress is stress. Imagine having a full-time job providing a service or product, but then also needing the time to have a second full-time job: the business of managing the business. We tell our clients all the time, especially physicians – there is the job you do every day – your actual business, and then the job of running the business – that’s two jobs. And often times only one of those jobs you hold a degree, or any type of education to support, the other aspect of running a business is not likely sparked by passion or skill – rather necessity. Here in lies the bad stress. There is constant pressure to market for new business, monitor expenses, keep on top of accounting and tax filings, being mindful of legal considerations and more. It can be incredibly overwhelming.

The non-self-employed partner can absorb these stresses through what’s known as a “spillover and crossover” model. “The Spillover-Crossover model is used in psychological research to examine the impact of the work domain on the home domain, and consequently, the transference of work-related emotions from the employee to others at home. The demands and stress of the business first spill over into the entrepreneurs’ personal life. The reduced personal time and increased stress then cross over into the partner’s life. The end result? Lower life satisfaction.

Consider a scenario where one partner is deeply engrossed in their business, working late nights and weekends. The other partner, though supportive, starts to feel neglected and frustrated.

Conversations at dinner become dominated by business talk, and financial worries begin to overshadow the relationship. The non-entrepreneurial partner might feel isolated, bearing the emotional load of maintaining the relationship while their partner’s mind is perpetually occupied with business concerns.

An interesting aspect of this new research, published in the Journal of Behavioural and Experimental Economics, was to look at how an entrepreneur’s partner’s perceived importance of non-business-related activities – such as spending time with family and friends – affected the drag on their well-being.

When one partner places a high importance on family life, leisure time and stability, the relentless demands of their spouse’s entrepreneurial pursuits can lead to significant dissatisfaction and emotional distress.

Moreover, the study found that life satisfaction notably diminishes when both partners are self-employed. This dual-entrepreneurial setup can create a perfect storm of stress, where both individuals are consumed by their businesses, leaving little room for personal connection and relaxation.

Of course, there are many households where the relationship thrives, independent of how the business is doing, though I suspect also having a thriving business improves the odds.

And it’s hard to ease the mental toll on couples because there are a lot of people who could never go back to employed life.

Many entrepreneurs find immense satisfaction and a sense of purpose in building something of their own, pursuing their passions and enjoying the flexibility that comes with being their own boss. For them, going back to a salaried job working for someone else could be their idea of abject misery.

For those who have chosen this path, or are considering it, addressing the emotional costs of the self-employed lifestyle is mandatory. The research’s conclusions support what I’ve seen are elements in a relationship that can help make it work:

• Set clear boundaries – establish specific times when business talk is off-limits to focus on your relationship.
• Prioritize quality time – ensure regular “unplugged” moments together, free from business distractions.
• Maintain financial buffers – emergency funds (cash, not lines of credit) are even more important.
• Balance roles – consider keeping one partner in traditional employment for stability, especially in the early stages of a business.

Clearly, one main take-away is to consider the non-entrepreneur partner’s perceived importance of family, friends and leisure time. If they put a priority on the business, there’s less of a problem. If they put an emphasis on the life part of work-life balance, you’ll want to add that high on the list of the never-ending responsibilities of running your own business.